The Wammy's House Boys Part II: God's Lost Lambs
by TheWammy'sHouseReject
Summary: "Even God picks his favorites. Even Christ forgets. In the end, all we can count on is ourselves."
1. Prologue: Leave Taking

__Part Two to _The Wammy's House Boys _:D Glad I made it this far :D

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><p><strong>WARNING! THERE IS A <em>LOT <em>OF GRAPHIC/SEXUAL/VIOLENT CONTENT IN THIS STORY. It involves YAOI (Boy/Boy) in SPADES and in general is NSFS (Not Safe for School) or to show to your parents ;) **

****The pairings will roughly be as follows(*= one-sided): Matt/Mello, *Mello/Near, Mello/Linda, *BB/L, *Matt/OC, Light/L.

Enjoy the show, and please leave a review when you're finished :D

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><p>Fanfics are read,<p>

Fangirls are blue,

I don't own Death Note

So you cannot sue ^.^

_It's cold. Even though the rooms at Wammy's House are always warm…I feel cold._

_It seems so peaceful. The world is dark and quiet. I don't hear a thing as I pad to the other side of the room, my footsteps muffled by the carpet._

_Matt looks so content. So peaceful in sleep. He's so sweet, I want to hold onto this memory forever._

_A part of me wonders if there's any other way. If somehow, I didn't have to go._

**_No, _**_I scold myself. **I have to do it. This is the only way.**_

_Still…I'll miss him. More than I care to admit. (A part of me wishes that I could be frozen in time, stay with this memory, in this moment…forever.)_

_I lean down over Matt, feeling the warm, soft puff of his breath as his chest rises and falls, slowly, gently. I seal my lips over his, pressing our mouths together, more gently than I'd done anything in my life._

_My heart aches as I pull away, and I caress his face in my hand, my other hand over my lips, as if to burn the sensations of the kiss forever into my memory. (I don't want to leave, God knows I don't…but I have to. There's no way I can stay here. Not in this prison. I'm not a bird that they can cage. And I'll show them that.)_

_I say the words I've been dying to say for so very, very long. Ever since we were children. **("Mello, I want you to marry me when we grow up. **Matt said them first. He still has that tacky plastic ring on his finger as a testament to a promise that I'd never keep.) I feel my lips move, but my voice is so quiet it barely reaches my ears._

_"…I love you, Matt." A few tears fall, landing on his forehead and soft, closed eyelids. My voice cracks and trembles as I choke the words out. "…I love you."_


	2. Keeping Secrets

**_Hey, all! WHR here with a (belated) update of WHB :D_**

**_Yeah, the first chapter or two will be BB-centric, but from then on it will switch to being mostly Mello-centric. However, it will be BB-centric at the time of the LABB Murders. Part three will be mostly Matt-centric, whereas the fourth and final part will be Near-centric. I then will start a Matsuda/Sayuu epilogue fanfic. Enjoy the show!_**

**_P.S: I know the quote may not seem to fit the first half- and it doesn't. I made it to suit the end._**

**~CHAPTER ONE: KEEPING SECRETS~**

_We dance round in a ring and suppose, but the secret sits in the middle and knows._

_-Robert Frost_

**~Nate River (Near)~**

Crisp autumn sunlight streamed in through the window, bathing the playroom in a deep yellow glow. The bell of Wammy's House rang out its mournful melody, signaling the hour- six o'clock. Classes were over now.

(I hadn't attended that day- one of my unpredictable splitting headaches had confined me to my bed. It had only recently receded enough to allow me out of my room.)

Mello blew past the playroom, dragging Matt along by the wrist while simultaneously talking his ear off. Matt pretended to be listening, nodding and agreeing while trying to play his Gameboy with one hand.

It lifted my mood to see that. It meant, however slightly, that Mello was regaining his old fiery and domineering personality. And I was glad for that.

I went back to stacking my tower of dice- this one in the shape of the Empire State Building.

When you're in New York City, no matter where you go, you can see that building, towering over everything- a guidepost, a compass. (Just like at Wammy's House, as long as you can hear the bell, you know that you are home.)

**~Mail Jeevas (Matt)~**

To be blunt, Mello could be a demanding little bitch. I should know- I'm his best friend, after all.

He wasn't quite so shy anymore- I think the flashbacks and the night terrors stopped a week or so after L was shot. But the Mello that returned was even more pushy, demanding, and high-maintenance than the one I knew before. Freakin' bipolar on steroids, that one.

One moment he'd be laughing his head off, happy with the world, and the next he would be sobbing uncontrollably in the bathroom. And the next, he was screaming his head off- at me, at Near, at his father…then again, sometimes he just bitched at nothing in particular. Later still, he'd be staring blankly at a wall, completely numb to anything around him. Except his chocolate- always the chocolate with him. I swear, the guy should've just gotten a chocolate IV in a vein or something, with how much he ate. (The only problem- Mello hated needles.)

Yeah, he was a temperamental bitch. But he was my temperamental bitch. My best friend. My Mello.

He was currently at the desk we shared, pouring over a textbook for some geography test we had tomorrow- he'd been at it for hours.

I had a feeling he did that to distract himself. No matter how often I told him that L would be fine, I don't think he ever really believed me. But hey, I wasn't one to judge- at least he was studying.

I tapped the buttons on my Gameboy, furiously attempting to win this Pokémon battle that I was locked in. (Elite Four-what're ya gonna do?) My stupid klutz of a Charizard had managed to get itself confused, and hit itself. And fainted. Bloody hell, where's the justice?

I picked my new Pokémon, and the battle continued. Mello restarted the geography chapter for the fifty-thousandth time. As if he would learn anything new, but at least he was calm for the moment.

The bell tolled out the time- seven o'clock. Time for dinner.

"Mel, you hungry?" I asked. Mello held up a bar of chocolate. Right. That's all he ever seems toeat.

That infuriated me to no end.

But it also made me smile. It wasone of those things that I missed so much- the little quirks that bug you until they're gone.

Good to have you back, Mel.

**~Rue Ryuuzaki (Beyond Birthday-BB)~**

A bitter wind swept through the fields surrounding Wammy's House, stripping away the last tattered remnants of Autumn's once colorful gown, leaving her shivering, naked, and cold. The grass was dead, shriveled and brown, the trees dead, and the skies a dull iron gray.

Despite the wind, however, I didn't feel cold. I peered at the rotting world from my perch high in a maple tree, leaning forward to stare at the world almost a hundred feet below. I felt almost Godlike, surveying my domain with a lazy gaze- like a cat looking from a perch- I was ruler of all I surveyed.

A presence behind me. A sort of intangible weight that pressed against my back.

A huge grin spread across my face.

"Hello, Ryuuk," I said, not even bothering to face him.

"Hey, kid. What's up?" His low, gruff voice grates against my ears. But I'm genuinely happy to see him. I flip upside down, so I can see him. His sharp-toothed Cheshire-cat smile is plastered on his face, making his pale blue-gray skin wrinkle at the corners of his mouth.

"Nothing, really," I admitted."L's still in the hospital, but he has a pretty long lifespan, so I don't worry too much."

I heaved myself back into a sitting position. Ryuuk floated around and sat beside me, the tree branch creaking under his weight.

"You aren't worried that I might kill him?" Ryuuk asked, cocking his head in a manner associated with curious dogs. "Or that we might get bored, and us Shinigami could start offing all the kids here?"

"No, I'm not, Ryuuk."

"Huh?"

"It's simple, Ryuuk. I offer you apples and entertainment. I also entertain the other Shinigami. All I ask in return isthat you leave Wammy's House and L untouched."

A sense of smugness permeated my heart- I had control; I had leverage over all the gods of death. There was something about that sense of power…I always loved power.

"So, Rue," Ryuuk said, "Tell me again about how your mother died."

There was something off about how he said that. Something I couldn't place. Haughty, maybe? No. Ryuuk wasn't one for excess of hubris. It was more like he was amused…like he knew something that I didn't know. Yes, he was finding humor in whatever it was I was oblivious to.

Nonetheless, I shrugged off that feeling, chalking it up to paranoia. I was smarter than Ryuuk, anyway- if I didn't know something, I was certain that I would learn it soon enough. In the meantime, I would indulge his request. I dug into past memories; the ones about fear, of hopelessness, of the light-haired man who called me 'devil boy.' How he screamed at my mother and stabbed her through, killing her- and then trying to kill me.

Ryuuk's grin seemed to stretch even wider as I recounted my story. He even began to laugh a little. He hung on my every word- not interrupting me as he usually did when I told him stories.

(And I always had stories to tell. Tales of the bloodiest, most gruesome murders I could find. He always stopped me, asking questions, learning more- tonight, however, he remained silent.)

I finished my story. Usually, once I was done, Ryuuk would ask for another. But tonight, he just phased into the house to grab a few apples and flew away, leaving me alone once again. The night suddenly seemed very quiet without my voice to fill the silence.

I climbed down from the tree, went inside, fell asleep, and dreamed about L.

**~Ryuuk~**

"When are you going to tell him?"

Rem was angry with me. I didn't bother to look at her- the last thing I wanted was a lecture. But she gave one to me anyway.

"You're abusing that boy's trust in you. When do you plan to tell him?"

I huffed, and did her the honor of looking at her, finishing off the last of my apple.

"Tell him what?" I said, playing dumb.

"You know what I mean," Rem growled. "When are you going to tell him that man wasn't the murderer? How long to you plan to keep this secret from him?"

I didn't say anything back, so Rem continued.

"When do you plan to tell him that he's the one who killed his mother?"

**~END OF CHAPTER ONE~**

_**MAJOR FUCKING PLOT TWIST! XDXDXD**_

_**I'll get more into that.**_

_**Please review!**_


	3. Recovery

**Read, review, you all know the drill :P**

**B/N: You people damn well better review! This is a good story here, and you guys are lucky you're allowed to expose yourself to WHR's awesome saucey-ness. Hear that? Yeah. ;)**

**~oOo~**

_Genius is the recovery of childhood at will._

_~Arthur Rimbaud_

**~Beyond~**

The morning arrived with sheets of bitter rain and an icy wind that rattled the windows. The bells moaned a few mournful notes, barely audible above the howling of the storm.

I loved this time of day- I had woken up, but I didn't yet have to get out of bed for the day. I could let my thoughts wander, without the burden of having to organize them. I was alone with the Wammy's Bells.

A was alone with them, too... that day, when he...

I found myself thinking about him a lot since L was hurt. I tried to ignore the intrusive thoughts, but they always shoved themselves to the forefront of my mind, especially during my peaceful times. The still images of my memories played loud and vivid, overtaking my reality.

(I missed him. Whether I chose to acknowledge it or not, I missed him.)

I remembered how his sandy, sunset orange hair would never lay flat, not matter how many times he combed it. He always wore that same type of long sleeved, Oxford button-down, no matter the occasion. His smile, whenever I could coax it out of him, was lopsided, revealing the gap where his front tooth should have been (he started losing teeth late). I remembered everything about him vividly, down to the spray of freckles across his face, and the way he held his hands as he walked.

I could remember how he died, down to the last detail.

_A looks so pitiful, broken, blood pouring from the crack in his skull. He looks up at me, and his lips move, but my ears are ringing so much that I cannot hear. I'm trembling from shock. My mouth is gaping, and my eyes are the size of saucers. There was blood all around A, everywhere- everywhere but where it should have been. What do I do? What __**can **__I do?_

_He stares at me with an expression of utter horror. What did I do wrong, A? Why did you close your eyes, A? Where are you going? No, come back- you're my best friend! My __**only **__friend. A, please, don't do this to me..._

"Come back..." I murmured, reaching out toward the empty side of the room. The walls were blanketed in the gray morning light, such a dead and bleary sight. Four pale gray squares lay across A's bed, reflecting the shadow of the downpour outside. I thought I could see A there, just awakening, smiling at me-

But my fingers closed around air.

**~Mihael Keehl (Mello)~**

The green numbers on my digital clock blinked to five o'clock. That meant I didn't have to wake up for another hour and a half.

So, why the _hell _couldn't I go back to sleep?

I swear, sometimes life just wasn't _fair._

I rolled over, trying to find a comfortable position. I failed. Well, I supposed, it was my fault for even setting the alarm to ring at such an ungodly hour.

_Matt, _on the other hand,wasn't having any problems sleeping. He was dead to the world on the other side of the room; the fact that the wind outside shook the entire fucking _building _didn't seem to bother him. It was also like the freaking arctic in the room. I had at least five blankets and comforters on my bed, but I was still shivering.

Matt was always warm…

I pulled the blankets off me and padded silently to the other side of the room.

Matt didn't stir as I peeled back the bedding and crawled in beside him. Immediately, he curled up against me, wrapping his arms around me as if I was an oversized teddy bear; he buried his face into my chest, taking a deep breath, then became still once more. Whether he was really awake, or it was just instinct, I didn't care.

I snuggled close to him in turn. I stroked his hair, so soft like silk. For the first time in a very long time, I enjoyed the simple sensations of touching and being touched.

And I felt warm.

**~Mail Jeevas (Matt)~**

I've had a lot of surprises in my life- most of them have been unwanted, to say the least (this is part of the reason why I detached myself from the world with my videogames) . But when I woke up with Mello in my bed for the first time in months, I couldn't help but think that it was a very _welcome _surprise. I wished I could have said that I smiled as soon as I saw him next to me. But in all honesty, my mouth dropped. Then I smiled.

My Mello. My best friend, the one I cared about the most. The guy I liked, _loved _even. The one I couldn't bear to part with.

I didn't cry in happiness, even though I wanted to- Mello would've teased me to high Heaven about it. Zelda knows I didn't wanna deal with that in the morning. Suddenly, everything began to speed up, reality intruded upon my nirvana, and all hell broke loose in our little room.

Mello literally bounced out of bed and into the bathroom, leaving me to turn off the screaming alarm clock.

After a traditional half-hour bathroom visit later, Mello hopped out, clean, dressed, and ready for the day. He ran up, looped his arm around mine, and dragged me out of the room. I managed to snag my Gameboy before the door shut behind us; he barely gave me enough time to feel shocked, excited, and joyous all at once at his unexpected behavior.

**~Watari~**

While the storm of yesterday carried on and raged outside, life inside of Wammy's House carried on just as it always did. Normal, or, as normal as children like these could be said to be.

Children bustled about; first to breakfast, then to classes. I felt a certain contentment watching them- my children. And they _were _my children, weren't they?

This really wasn't the best distraction from L.

_L! No... No, that's just Beyond._

It was frightening, how alike they looked. Put side by side, they could easily be mistaken for twin brothers (If only their lives could have played out this way. They would have made a fantastic team, wonderful friends for each other, and they could have touched so many lives. Presently, they could do just the same, but on a different level and in a much different way. But it was not the same. _If only, if only_.).

I sighed sadly. I shook my head and turned away from the children. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I slowly made my way for my office.

You could never replace a child, anyway, and it would be foolish to think that I could.

Paperwork engulfed me for the greater part of the day. I was forced to make time to chastise Mello for stepping on (and breaking) one of Near's toys; as horrible as this was of me to say, this news made me smile brightly inside. He was recovering. My dear boy was finally recovering (And he really was a dear boy- despite his callous and sometimes outright cruel behavior; Mello truly did have a good heart.).

Though I knew I would be lenient with Mello's punishment because of this, I postponed it. I had a conference call to make after lunch with one of L's clients, and lunch for me today was only a quarter of an hour.

L. Even in the hospital, this child could keep me busy. I smiled kindly at the phone as I prepared to dial the number. Cradling the phone piece between my shoulder and ear, I took a great bite out of my hoagie.

_L... get well soon, my son._


	4. Secret Keeping

Finally out with a new chapter c: Please review :D

~oOo~

"What you didn't tell someone was just as debilitating as what you did."  
>― Jodi Picoult, <em>Handle With Care<em>

~Ryuuk~

Rem hadn't nagged me about lying to Rue's kid since she first told me off- as a matter of fact; she hadn't talked to me at all since then. And that'd been a week ago. Girl sure could hold a grudge. I didn't mind though- not like I _wanted _to be nagged or anything.

I'd tell him the truth someday- it wasn't like I could keep a secret forever. But it wouldn't be as much fun to tell him now as, say, after he got kissed by his first crush, or when he finally got laid, or something like that. When the kid was finally happy. And not just content happy, the way he could be now- I wanted him to be absolutely elated. On cloud nine. Then I'd tell him the secret.

That would be so much fun. I wondered what face he'd make- would he cry? Would he be mad at me?

I couldn't wait for that day to come.

I thought I might go visit Rue's kid that night; he probably learned at least a couple new stories to entertain me by now. And hopefully he'd have a couple apples for me.

Yum.

The thought cheered me up so much that I hummed a happy little tune for the rest of the day.

~Mello~

Where the hell had Matt been all day?

He was gone when I got up in the morning, didn't show up for classes, and now it was past dinnertime, and he still hadn't shown up.

What the fuck? What the actual fuck?

I grumbled and set off to look for him after not touching my dinner. Damn it, if I wasn't able to study for our Physics test tomorrow because I was looking for him, I would gut Matt alive.

I checked the playroom and the game room- nothing there but the sheep. I checked outside…which was stupid, seeing as Matt hated the cold. And it was freaking FREEZING out at the moment.

After a few hours, I was starting to get scared.

"Matt!" I yelled, storming down the halls. A pack of girls squeaked and scrambled to get out of my way. "Matt, where are you?"

I'd kill him, I'd kill him- right after I hugged him and cried and begged him not to scare me like this ever again. Then I'd beat him over the head with one of the house game consoles just for good measure.

~Matt~

The only light in the coat closet was the glow from my game system, the only sound the soft clicking of the buttons as I pressed them.

This is how it had been all day, since five this morning, when I came to a sickening realization.

Mello's birthday was in three days, and I had no clue what I was supposed to give him. I wanted it to be something really special- something he'd always remember, even after we'd grown up and maybe never saw each other again. But I couldn't think of anything good enough to give Mello.

I heard him calling me from down the hall, voice growing louder, then eventually fading away. My heart acted as though it wanted to tear free from my chest, sprout legs, and run far away. I kept my breath quiet and waited until the cost was clear before I turned my game back on and kept playing, but I could barely push the buttons- my hands were shaking so badly.

I couldn't hide from Mello forever. And that's what scared me most of all.

~BB~

I loved nighttime, in the library, alone, after everyone else had gone to bed. I could curl up in my favorite armchair, and get lost in whatever I wanted to read, without chattering children around me. It was painfully dull, but it gave my mind a rest, and calmed all my runaway thoughts.

"I'm bored."

I glanced up over the top of my book and gave Ryuuk a little smirk.

"What a coincidence," I purred. "I'm bored too."

Ryuuk let out one of his wheezing laughs.

"Got any more of those stories for me?" He asked, rather sounding like an eager child. I nodded, and turned my book back to the first page.

"This is an interesting one. It's a book called _Needful Things. _Have you ever heard of it?"

"Nope."

I passed my tongue once over my lips, and said, "Good."

I read to him for a couple of hours, while he sit-floats in rapt attention. We get about five chapters in the book when I decide to stop.

"You'll have to come back tomorrow if you want the rest of the story," I said, when he made a disappointed sound.

"Fine, fine," Ryuuk groaned.

"I'm hungry," I added, as an afterthought. Ryuuk followed a foot or so behind me as we headed to the kitchen.

I licked out a jar of strawberry jam while Ryuuk ate an entire bag of apples. I watched him the whole time, amused, intrigued… something like that.

"I should head back now," Ryuuk said, after he'd finished. "So, uh, see you tomorrow?"

I smirked again, licking the last remnants of the jam off my finger.

"I look forward to it."

And I was alone. Again. It left a strange, hollow chasm inside my heart- like the one I felt when A died, but not quite as gaping.

But…I wasn't alone. I turned around, toward the entry to the kitchen.

The letters and numbers above his head swam in front of me. _Mihael Keehl, 502209. _Mello.

"Who were you talking to?" he demanded, blue eyes glaring at me.

Even I found those eyes unnerving. I felt like, when they looked at me, they pierced my soul like a carving knife, prying out all my little secrets, all my fears, all my longings. Those eyes scared me.

"Myself," I lied. "I was just talking to myself."

Mello wasn't convinced.

I padded up to him, smiling, showing my sharp fangs.

"Go back to bed, little Mihael," I whispered, low and dangerous. Mello's eyes went wide.

"How do you..."

"You shouldn't stick your nose where it doesn't belong," I warned, my voice low and dangerous. "It might just get bitten off."


	5. Marry Me

~oOo~

Okay, this took awhile to get out. I'm sorry for that. My inspiration was flushed down the metaphorical crapper for the longest time. School kills me XD

Anyway, I hope this chapter is enjoyable :D L comes back soon, so don't worry :D

One last warning: Sensitive religious topics. That is all.

~Mello~

I'd kill him.

I'd kill him.

I'd been searching Wammy's House for hours. Fucking hours. I nagged everyone I passed, I opened every door, but Matt seemed to have vanished off the face of the Earth. My heart iced over and nearly jackhammered right out of my chest.

"Near!" I shouted, the playroom door banging open. "Where the hell is Matt?"

Near looked up at me from his gigantic tower of dice.

"I haven't seen him," he said, maddeningly calm as always.

I was so angry I could've hit him- or at least, I could've knocked over that tower of his. But, instead, I just turned around and stormed out of the room. I guess that was better than getting in more trouble with Roger. Seriously, I swear that man had a vendetta against me or something. You get in trouble a couple times, and adults automatically assumed you were a rotten kid, no matter how well you acted otherwise. I wasn't a rotten kid...was I?

(Sorry for getting off-topic. If I bore you to tears, feel free to leave, motherfucker. I don't want you here if you can't handle a tangent or two.)

People in the hall moved to the side to get out of my way. Everyone had learned to give me plenty of space- and I liked that a lot. It gave me a massive ego trip; nobody bothered with fucking with me anymore. It gave me a lot more space to do whatever I wanted to do.

(It gave me the power to protect Matt.)

"Matt!" I yelled. "Get out here, this isn't funny!"

I hated this feeling. I hated being helpless, I hated being powerless. I hated not knowing, I hated not being able to find out.

Matt. Matt was the only one who could really draw out such helpless emotions from me without ever having to touch my skin.

Matt. My best friend. My greatest weakness, my greatest strength. As much as I liked Matt, I didn't like the feelings that he made me feel. He made me feel hopeful, happy...and that scared me out of my mind.

Damn it.

As soon as I found the little fucker, I was going to kill him. But first I was going to hug him and beg him to never make me worry like that ever again.

~Matt~

I could tell it was getting pretty late. My stomach growled uncomfortably, but I ignored it. I was used to being hungry. I was used to staying in the dark. It was better than the alternative, better than going out and facing him.

I started groping around in the blackness of the utility closet for a place to sleep when-

"Matt! What the hell are you doing in here?"

Busted.

Mello grabbed me by the collar and dragged me out into the blinding light. He looked angry enough to hit me- I closed my eyes tight and braced myself. But instead, he pulled me into a hug so tight I thought he'd break me.

"Don't ever scare me like that again, Matt!" He growled against my shoulder. "Do you have any idea how worried I was?!"

"Sorry," I said sheepishly.

"Why were you in a closet?" Mello demanded, shoving me away, but still keeping his grip on my shoulders.

I felt my cheeks burn with embarrassment.

"Because your birthday's next week."

Mello cocked his head, moving his hands to his hips.

"What does that have to do with anything?"

I hung my head (in SHAME, motherfuckers).

"Because I don't know what to get you, and I felt bad, because you deserve something really nice."

I bit my lip and waited for Mello to give his usual sarcastic response- maybe "Don't be such a baby," or "How stupid are you, Matt?"

"Thanks."

"Huh?"

"I said thanks, moron. But you could've just asked me what I wanted, you know. Damn, I thought you were smart, Mattie."

All of a sudden, I felt so unbelievably embarrassed that I hid my face in my hands; I wanted to run right back into the closet.

He was right- this whole thing seemed so absolutely foolish then. And looking back, it seems even more foolish now. It was just a stupid little kid doing stupid things. But then again, no matter how smart we were, all Mello and I ever really were was a couple of scared and stupid kids who did scary and stupid things.

"Mel...what do you want for your birthday?" I asked sheepishly, my voice muffled.

Mello took my hands and pulled them away from my face. His expression was uncertain, but determined all the same.

"You know that I could get almost anything I wanted just by asking Watari for it- but there's just one thing I want, and I want you to give it to me."

"Anything, Mel. Just tell me."

I was ready to give Mello the world. I was ready to do anything for him.

"I've always wondered what it's like, to get kissed and to actually want it. So...I want you to show me."

I raised an eyebrow.

"You want me to kiss you? But isn't that what boys and girls do together?"

"I don't know, and I really don't care. Just do it for me, okay Matt?"

I blinked. Well, I guess kissing was part of the 'anything' I'd just promised him. I held both his hands and squeezed them tightly. I smiled weakly at him.

"...Mel, I gotcha a birthday present."

Mello smiled back and played along with me.

"But it's not by birthday, Matt."

The hallway seemed to dissolve around us, all except for the beam of light from the stained glass window, bathing us in multicolored light. Mello and I were in our own little bubble; nothing else mattered.

"I know, but I wanna give it to you early."

Mello nodded, his smile stretching wider across his face.

"Close your eyes, Mel."

Mello did as I asked, his hands trembling with anticipation.

I wasn't quite sure how I should do this, because I'd only ever seen people kissing in the movies they'd play once a week in the auditorium. But I wanted so badly to make Mello happy.

I leaned in close, pressing my lips clumsily against the corner of Mello's mouth. Then I pulled back, and pressed my lips against his. Right in the middle of the halls of Wammy's House, where we'd been ripped apart and beaten up just for holding hands, I kissed my best friend.

I lingered there for a good ten seconds before pulling away. Mello was grinning like a fool and blushing like crazy. I felt my cheeks grow warm just looking at him.

"Well? Did you like your present?" I asked.

Mello nodded fervently, pulling me in and hugging me tight.

"It was the best birthday present ever."

The moment was ruined by the unmistakable sound of giggling girls.

"So cute!" one of them squealed, nearly swooning on the spot.

"How sweet," another sighed.

Mello clenched his hands into fists, his eyes narrowed dangerously, and I knew where this was going. Before he could do something he might regret, I grabbed his wrist and kissed him on the cheek, taking the chance to whisper in his ear before in an attempt to soothe his temper.

"It's alright. They don't matter."

Mello's hand relaxed immediately, his whole demeanor becoming less threatening.

"...I guess you're right."

That was easier than I thought.

"Hey Matt, I wanna show you something."

Mello took my hand and dragged me outside, grinning his face off.

"Mello, it's freezing out here!"

He didn't care about it- he dragged me through the snow in my jeans and sneakers and a flimsy jacket in the middle of the falling flurries. Snow bled through my shoes and socks and froze my feet. I learned, though, that Mello would often do things on the fly, because when he wanted to do something, he dragged logic by the hair, fucked it in the ass, and did it anyway.

(...I think my metaphor has fallen apart at this point.)

We stumbled through the drifted snow until we found a patch of pristine white.

"My mom used to play a game with me when it would snow," Mello explained. "She'd draw one half of the heart, I'd draw the other half, and we'd try to make the two sides as even as possible. I wanna try that with you."

I grinned at him.

"Okay, Mel."

We stuck our fingers next to each other in the snow. The cold burned my finger, then it started going numb. Slowly, carefully, we dragged our fingers along the virgin canvas. I curved it carefully, then drew a straight line until I met Mello's finger again.

My half of the heart was a bit bigger than his, a little lopsided, not quite matching.

I frowned. I'd messed the whole thing up. When Mello noticed my gloomy expression, he kissed me on my frozen cheek.

"It's perfect, Matt."

"But it doesn't match," I pouted.

"It doesn't have to match. It's perfect because you helped me make it, dummy."

All of a sudden, the cold didn't seem so bad anymore. I was glad my cheeks were already red, so he couldn't tell I was blushing.

Mello pressed his forehead against mine, his bright blue eyes looking right into mine, an endless ocean of emotions, so vast I could never reach the depths of them.

"Matt, I have something for you, too."

"It's not my birthday, Mel."

"I don't care. I wanna show it to you."

Mello rustled in his pocket and pulled out a cheap plastic ring I saw him find in a box of chocolate cereal the other day.

"Matt, when we grow up, I want you to marry me."

I raised an eyebrow.

". . .Who's gonna wear the wedding dress?" I asked him.

"Not me."

"You look more like a girl than me, Mel!" I whined. "No fair."

Mello stuck his tongue out at me.

"Too bad. I already said not me."

I stuck my tongue right back at him.

"Fine, but we're having a cake in the flavor I want."

"So is that a yes?" Mello asked me. I nodded in response.

I pouted at him, but I took the ring from him anyway, and put it on the fourth finger on my left hand.

Mello took my cold hands in his, tangling our fingers together.

"Promise me you'll always stay with me Matt, okay?" He asked, so shy, so unlike how Mello usually acted. I knew how much courage it took him to be so honest with me, to tell me just what he was feeling. Mello never liked exposing his tender feelings like that.

"I will. No matter what."

Mello hugged me closely, sharing his warmth.

"...I promise I'll always love you, Matt. Forever."

Tears burned my eyes and built up in my eyes, running down to my cheeks and pooling into the goggles hanging around my neck.

"I love you, Matt."

I know what most of you must be thinking at this point. We were just kids, we were stupid, how could we possibly know what love and marriage are all about? Well, kids may not know everything about marriage, but I know for a fact that they know plenty about love. Probably more than most adults, actually. It's been my experience that adults are usually the ones who are clueless about love, making it far more complicated than it was ever meant to be.

"I love you too, Mel."

We were a couple fucked up kids. Scared, wounded, left out in the cold without a hope in the heartless world, reaching into the dark until we found each other's hands. Mine was still mangled and scarred, his was still soft and flawless. But out there in the December cold, they both turned the same shade of pink.

~Near~

I stacked the last of the dice onto my huge block tower, reaching above my head, a replica of the Empire State Building. Before I'd been brought here to Winchester, I'd always loved when my family would go into the city. I could see the towering giant anywhere I went, looming over me like a silent watchman. It was so amazing to me back then, but now it seemed to mock me.

When I was lost and terrified, it looked down at me and laughed, never doing anything to help me in my suffering.

Why?

Why was it staring at me?

Why didn't it help me?

Why didn't anyone help me?!

Had I done something wrong in some other lifetime, angered some invisible god?

Suddenly, my hours of work meant nothing to me. In a fit of anger, I screamed and kicked it, sending it falling to the ground in a million tiny crashes. I'd probably stood up too fast, so all the blood rushed to my head and I blacked out for maybe two or three seconds- it happened a lot, so I wasn't scared at all.

I woke up to the panicked voice of one of the female caretakers, whose name I have forgotten. I do remember she was rather young, and was one of those caretakers who were constantly harassed because of her excessively kind nature.

"N, are you alright? What happened? Are you hurt?"

She helped me to my feet. A gigantic knot was swelling in the back of my head from when I hit the floor.

"I want to go to bed," I told her flatly, ignoring her question.

She made sure I got there safely, treating me like some scared little dog that's run away from home. I went in and locked my door, glad for some time to myself.

I was one of a handful of children at the institution that had their own bedroom. I'd always been glad for this, but I was especially grateful at the times when I just had to cry, or when every little noise seemed a thousand times louder than it should.

I curled up on my bed and closed my eyes, trying to sooth the newfound throbbing in my head.

_I shouldn't feel this way_, I chastised myself. _They never loved me._ Buildings can't speak. Nobody cared about me. Nobody pitied me. Nobody but L.

That's why L had taken me in, right? It was all out of pity. He saw a frozen little child and he'd taken me in, much like a dirty stray cat or dog. I doubted that he truly cared about me either. I didn't mind though, as long as he tossed me those tiny tokens of affection every once in awhile.

Watari had come back from the hospital and told us that L was awake and doing fine, so I hoped that he would come back soon.

If I were a religious person, I guess I would thank God. But seeing as I wasn't quite so blind, I instead felt grateful to the doctors and the hospital that had managed to save his life, where the gratitude belonged.

But I digress. I let my bitterness get in the way of a story. I apologize.

I closed my eyes and fell asleep, allowing consciousness to slip away. A cool numbness washed over me as I found myself, once again, in that house with the pretty white walls and the pictures with no faces.

This time, before I reached the door, I was eaten alive by a rabid wolf.


	6. Frustration

__**I know this chapter is shorter than normal. But I wanted to get another chapter up just to let people know this story is still alive. If you could shoot me a review, that would be lovely :)**

* * *

><p><em>"Frustration is the wet nurse of violence."<em>

_-David Abrahansen quotes_

**~Mello~**

I lay with my head against Matt's chest, humming happily. It'd been ages since I'd gotten to cuddle him without something interrupting, and I very much enjoyed what I'd been denied for awhile. Matt was content to lay against the pillows and pet my hair- he was even ignoring his video games for me. I pressed into his chest and mewled happily. Every once in awhile, the plastic ring on his thumb would catch a stray piece of hair and tug it gently.

I was the center of attention. I was Matt's world. And I loved that. (I know as well as anyone else that I was a narcissistic asshole, even back then- but at least I admit it.)

"Happy birthday, Mel," Matt said, for at least the third time that day.

"Shaddup. You've told me already."

"I like saying it."

"Why?"

"Why not?"

Matt sat up and planted a kiss on my nose.

Our little happy-time was suddenly ended when a great commotion started downstairs. People were shouting, things were toppling over...I think something shattered.

We got out of bed and ran downstairs to find the place a total madhouse. You couldn't even hear yourself think with all the shouting and cheering going on. Matt and I wormed our way through the crowd, gripping each other by the hand. We got to the main entrance, and I was finally able to make out some coherent speech.

"L's back! L's back!"

My heart lept into my throat, and every nerve in my body came alive with elation. I practically dragged Matt behind me as I ran.

Sure enough, L was there. Thinner, sure, and paler too. He was slouching more than usual, and he looked exhausted overall. But he was back.

I nearly knocked him over when I threw my arms around him. I'll admit it- I cried a little. But only because I was so happy.

I felt L's hands on my shoulders as he gently pushed me away. I looked up at him, pouting. L's face was completely blank. He walked past me and all the others like we weren't even there. My mind was numb with shock and betrayal.

B tried to stop him to talk a little, but L brushed him off too. I've never seen Beyond look so crushed. All of us watched him go sadly, parting to allow him to pass.

"What's wrong with L?" Someone asked. "He's never been like this before..."

Matt took my hand and wiped my eyes.

"Mel..."

I realized I was shaking.

"Does he hate us now?" I asked softly. I was surprised at how weak my own voice sounded.

"No, Mel. He doesn't hate us," Matt tried to reassure me. "He's just...tired. That's all. He got shot, remember?"

I leaned against him for support. And, like always, Matt was right there, able to be strong while I wasn't.

"I hope you're right," I whimpered. Something told me that even Matt wasn't so sure.

~Near~

Talk about L resonated through all the rooms of Wammy's House. Most were worried. some were angry. But nobody ignored what happened.

Because L had always made time for us. No matter how tired he was after a case, he would sit down and talk to us, assure us that everything had worked out.

What happened after he got shot? What went through his mind while he was in the hospital? A part of me didn't want to know. But that was a tiny part, and the rest of me really, REALLY wanted to know.

I lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and wishing my uneasy stomach would settle down so I could catch some sleep.

I tossed around for a little while, to no avail. So I simply curled up in a little ball and waited for the nausea to pass.

Something was wrong with me. I was sure that by this time tomorrow, I would be violently ill. I almost looked forward to having a break from class tomorrow. Then again, where I was headed wasn't that much better.

I heard Beyond talking to himself again, ranting in fury. I didn't try to listen in like I usually did. Instead, I just buried my head under my pillow and tried to forget everything. Ignore everything.

L had looked so dead... almost like a walking corpse.

I wasn't succeeding.

**~Beyond~**

I could feel Ryuuk's eyes following me as I paced wildly around my room, throwing my few possessions at the wall and at the headboard of the bed where A used to sleep.

Damn him, why did he have to go and die now?! He always knew what I needed to do- he always had something to say to reassure me, to make me feel better. I liked A. At least, that's what I liked to think.

"Bad day, kid?" Ryuuk asked.

"The worst," I spat. "L completely blew me off today! I'm furious! He didn't even look at me!"

I threw my algebra textbook at the wall. It hit with a dull thud and fell onto the carpet. I pulled at my hair and screamed. I kicked the foot of my bed. I wound up with a throbbing foot and a sore scalp.

Ryuuk laughed at me. I had to suppress my urge to try and strangle him- even though I could have if I wanted to. I growled at him instead, and he fell silent. I continued stalking around like a caged lion.

Something was wrong with L. Terribly wrong. I wanted to know. But how was I supposed to when he wouldn't even talk to me?


End file.
